This is the place where I stick anything which seems like a good idea at the time, but doesn't really fit on any of the other pages.
It is likely to be a) A bit of a hotch potch of useless information and...
b) The most read page on the site!
...YES, I know how to please an audience!
Tenerife's got "Tenerife's Got Talent"... (again)
So, the competition is back again, bigger (as we're being told) and better than ever. "So", I hear you cry, "is it really THAT good?"
Well, first of all, I have to take you back for a moment to last year's competition. I heard a lot of complaints about it from a lot of people, most of which come down to the same issues viewers have with "Britain's Got Talent", "America's Got Talent", and even the equivalent Arabic show now airing on MBC1 in the Middle East! Going even further back in time, "Opportunity Knocks" and "New Faces" used to face the same problem, and that problem is: between chalk & cheese, who can decide? Most readers of this blog will know that I, along with quite a few other "seasoned" entertainers, was a finalist in last year's competition. We lost out to the younger entrants and (some people will be puzzled over what comes next)... RIGHTLY SO!
By the time the final happened, the combination of "pop culture" judges, and recording industry prizes meant it could go no other way. I firmly believe that, given what the competition had become, the Judges' decision was absolutely correct, and I, for one, hope that Charlie, Harlene and Jordanna all go on to have the massive careers they deserve.
Let's face it, there WAS a problem with last year's competition, and it wasn't the judging, or the entrants, or the entrants' parents, and it certainly wasn't the venue, or the venue's owners.... It was purely and simply that it was ""thrown" together with little thought for the final outcome, and allowed to "evolve" into "X-Factor"! Had most of the professional entertainers in the contest known at the outset what it would become, we wouldn't have bothered entering. It was good to see, though, that, as it morphed into something we couldn't possibly win, ALL the seasoned artists remained professional and gave 100% right to the last note of the final.
Anyway, on to this year's effort.... Bigger? - Possibly; Better? - Well, if Nik & Darren (this year's organisers - Duke has gone off to do something else with jam sessions!) stick to their guns, and I see no reason why they shouldn't, I think this will overshadow last year's TGT by miles. For a start, the top prizes (and therefore the "tone" of the contest) are set in stone from day one. Hence, anyone who doesn't feel themselves capable of doing a Blackpool theatre show or an appearance at Birmingham's "Artfest" knows that they'd only be entering for the fun of it, and are unlikely to be placed in the top three. Secondly, the idea of paying for an entry has been done away with, which will, invariably, attract more of the "working entertainers".
All told, I am confident that this year's TGT will set the standard for all that follow, and is why I, for one, have entered again, almost "in spite" of last year. I will say right now, before I even turn up at the Heat Final, that, win or lose, this is going to be a great competition, and I implore all the other professional artists on the island to join in (remember, it's FREE!) and give me some serious competition... ;-)
Tenerife's New Image?
This is how "Ritz Carlton" are now advertising Tenerife. I watched this video, and wanted to go to this "tropical paradise", then realised I was already there!
I have to say, I did some work at the Hotel Abama (I supplied the entertainment and facilities for one of their conferences), and the views and apartments really are that good. Unfortunately, since Ritz Carlton leased it, they seem to have lost the plot a bit when it comes to customer service. All I heard from my clients for three days were complaints about management incompetence and staff indifference. To be fair, whenever I was dealing with the "legacy" staff and management, who were retained from the original owners, I had no problems at all. They were courteous, efficient and everything you would expect from a venue with 5 red stars. Unfortunately, as soon as the RC management got involved, things started to go wrong, and the original staff's "can do" attitude seemed to be replaced by "more than my job's worth"!
Anyway, watch the video and keep telling yourself "This REALLY IS Tenerife".
ALL OUT FOR "ALL IN"...
OK... Enough, as they say, is enough! This year has seen a massive... yes, an ENORMOUS... wait for it... 1% increase in tourism! Yipee! I can hear the unmistakeable sound of fiestas breaking out all over the island!
In the meantime, there has been a 30% increase in the number of holidaymakers booking "All-In-Deals". That, as all of us who rely on tourism for our daily bread have discovered, actually means a net 29% REDUCTION in the number of tourists who venture outside the hotels and into the local bars and restaurants - AND THAT IS JUST THIS YEAR!!!
The only people who benefit from this all-inclusive hell are the tour operators. The hotels are given such a tight budget for each guest that they have to lay off cleaning staff and serve sub-standard food. The operators bring so-called "entertainers" in from the UK, who are actually no more than kiddies working for pocket-money, who are then made to work 16 hours a day, and constantly hassle the guests for tips and "extras". When the holidaymakers do leave the hotel complex, it is usually on an over-priced "excursion", to a second-rate show or "booze-cruise", where the majority of the profit, once again, goes into the pocket of the tour operator. In the meantime, having laid out a fortune for the "all inclusive" holiday, the poor holidaymakers quickly find that it's not as "inclusive" as they were led to believe, and they have to ration the little bit of cash they brought with them, because (for example) the kids still want ice-cream, and the hotel only includes that with dinner!
The tourists return home, and moan.... They hit the forums, gossip with the neighbours, tell anyone in the pub who will listen, and what do they say? Do they tell everyone that "all-inclusive" was a bad idea? Do they write in the forums that the tour operator was a money-grabbing wotsit? Do they vow to do it properly next year and book B&B..... NO! They go home telling everyone that Tenerife is rubbish! So next year, tourism goes up by 1% again, (mainly due to Romanians and Bulgarians), instead of the 10 to 20% we need, the all-inclusives go up by another 30%, and the whole thing spirals downwards until Las Americas, Los Cristianos and the Golfs look like ghost towns.
I have a suggestion. Let's show the Canarian government what Tenerife will be like once they've finished lining their pockets with back-handers from the tour-operators. What I'm talking about is a week-long "strike" by bar, restaurant and venue owners, and entertainers. If everyone completely closed down for just one week, it would:
a) cost the Canarian government a fortune in taxes.
b) reduce the revenue for the taxi-drivers - and we all know how loud their voice is (witness the "Aerobus" fiasco!).
c) make the "all-in" hotels actually have to be all-in, as they wouldn't be able to use poor menus, badly made food and low quality entertainment to push those few tourists who can afford it out to the bars.
d) cost the bar and restaurant owners who joined in the "strike" next to nothing, as it would only take a little organisation to line up everyones holidays to the same week. Most bars and restaurants, and almost all the entertainers, take a holiday anyway (some of the Canarian restaurants take a month off!), so it would only entail everyone taking the same week off, to close down Tenerife Sur!
Having said all this, it will never happen.... Why? - Because the main reason we have these problems in the first place is that far too many of the bar and restaurant owners are too self-serving to work with each other in the first place. If they weren't, then Tenerife by now would have a strong Licensed Victuallers Association, and the government would be listening to us anyway!
"THE FORBIDDEN BEER"
This is a bottle of Belgium's strongest ale, and that speaks volumes, coming as it does from a country who specialises in "brain damage beer"!
Anyway, note the name of it. That's right! - "Bush".
Yes, it was named after the President of the good ol' US of A. So, were the natives of said union of states flattered? ....mildly impressed? ....even just a little thankful? - Not on their collective nellies! They tried to have it banned. They didn't want their beloved George W. associated with such a horribly intoxicating beverage, so they tried every piece of international law they could find to have it removed from the market. Parts of Europe other than the "51st state" (the UK), however, don't take kindly to being told what to do by trans-Atlantic bullies, so manufacturers, Dubuisson are still free to sell it. You won't find a bottle of it in the Whitehouse, and you're unlikely to find it in many UK pubs, but it's a right good drop, so try it while you're here in Tenerife on your hols - in moderation, though... it IS very strong!
It's available to try, along with between 45 and 60 (depending on closeness to delivery day) other delicious ways to achieve chemical lobotomy, from The "Manneke Pis" in the dip to the side of "The Patch".
ALL OUT FOR "ALL IN"...